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One of the cornerstones of becoming better is completing things. There are sadly many people who begin something full of enthusiasm, yet sooner or later abandon it because it has become too difficult. Then they start something new, only to soon quit as well. The vicious cycle then continues, and they never (or rarely) complete anything. But there are crucial differences between a false start and a failed project, and learning to recognize them is pivotal for learning how to complete things.

Indeed, as societies we don’t talk enough about quitting. We don’t talk about learning how to abandon something when you have to. We seem to live in a world teaching people how not to quit. Instead, we should learn how to do it – properly.

And so, in this post, I’ll draw on my own experiences with false starts and failed projects, to show you how we can separate them.

An Example of a False Start

Before I continue, here are two paragraphs I’d ask you to read – I’ll then explain more:

The keychain felt heavy, somehow too metallic and clinical. As he inserted the house key into the lock, Stan felt a profound and unexpected sense of disgust. That was the word, yes; disgust. As he turned the small, lifeless object counterclockwise, the man wondered about those places in the world that have lockless doors. As he entered the apartment, he thought about those houses in the world that don’t have doors at all. He would have thought next about those places many people call home that do not have doors, nor walls, nor a ceiling, but his mind drifted away from world problems when he saw the two suitcases on the hallway floor, a few feet away from the front door. He unconsciously lowered his eyes, as if he was ashamed, and closed the door behind him.

Their twelfth-floor apartment was elegant – it’s not hard to decorate beautifully when you have money. Stan had a lot of money, he always had – his parents had money and his grandparents, too. Stan felt rich, but not wealthy. He always wondered whether the feeling would have been different if he had made his own money – starting from the absolute bottom, perhaps. Now, that would have been a good story – something to narrate to grandchildren near the fireplace, in cold and dreary winter evenings. “Your grandfather was homeless, but with hard work and determination he managed to become rich”. Stan could not even laugh at such thoughts. There was only disgust; always disgust.

“

Notice the lonely quotation marks. That’s where the text stops. And that’s all there is in a document created, as I see, in 2013 and never worked on since. And it’s virtually certain that’s how it will remain.

This excerpt above is a false start. I had some ideas on what I wanted to do with this setup (otherwise I wouldn’t have started writing the story), but they simply weren’t strong enough to make me pursue it. 

This is nothing, by the way. I once started a story that I gave up on after writing a good 10k words. I’ve also given up on coding projects, music albums, and whatnot.

False starts, though annoying, are part of the deal. You don’t want to have many of them, both because they’re frustrating and because they cloud your judgment regarding when to quit and when not to quit, but they’re an almost inevitable part of getting better.

From a False Start to a Failed Project

A false start is not a failure. In other words, to start a project and then quit because you realized it won’t work doesn’t mean it’s a case of a failed project.

Instead, a failed project is giving up on something not because of knowledge (realizing it doesn’t work) but because of ignorance. That is to say, a failed project is one you don’t finish because, though you would like to, you don’t know how or you feel overwhelmed.

The difference is crucial, so let’s reiterate it:

• A false start is when you quit something because you know it’s not worth continuing. You basically don’t want to finish it.
• A failed project is when you quit something because you don’t know how to continue it, though you believe it’d be worth it; you would like to finish it. Even then, the “degree of failure” is relevant to any lessons learned. If you would’ve liked to finish the project, you don’t know how, but you’ve reflected and have an idea how to try another way next time, then it’d be hard to call it a failure.

Failure is not to learn anything from your mistakes. Failure is to be stagnant in ignorance.

Beware of Social Pressure

In our world of continuous peer pressure, hustling, and comparisons, giving up on anything is considered an automatic failure.

I can’t put in words how much I’m disgusted by all the believe-in-yourself’s and be-persistent-and-you’ll-be-rewarded’s out there (and all their naive, out-of-context quotes they’re usually accompanied by – which reminds me). The truth is, learning when to quit is a huge part of getting better. Learning when to quit is the only thing that can teach you when not to quit.

So, next time you feel unsure about continuing something (especially if it’s something you just started), ask yourself some tricky, difficult questions: Am I sure this is what I want? Am I sure I know what I want to express with this? Will the pain and suffering be worth it?

And if you decide you want to quit, do so without remorse.

Interested in tips on how to abandon reading something? There you go!