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We all play roles, every single day of our lives. Amazingly, we probably aren’t even conscious that we’re doing that, even if we do it all the time. Then again, this is perhaps precisely the reason why we don’t realize it. We might wake up as a spouse, then we prepare breakfast as a parent. We then drive as a responsible citizen, and we go to work where we are a jolly team member. The hardest role to play though is yourself. Allow me to share an excerpt from an upcoming novel of mine.

Ahmed flushed the toilet then turned the faucet on and washed his hands. As the last droplets fell and streamed down the sparkling white sink, he raised his eyes and looked in the mirror. He saw time itself examining him, assessing him, judging what was to be done about that silly boy – for a boy he still felt inside, after more than a decade of adulthood. The intense stare of his dark brown eyes, the black beard, the carefully (albeit unconsciously) constructed aura of confidence and certainty, they were all facets of role-playing. Ahmed was nothing but an actor, just like everyone else, and his task was the hardest of them all: he was pretending to be himself.

And so, just as it is expected from an experienced performer, his expression instantly changed as he turned the door knob and exited the small bathroom. A giant gleam on his face, he returned to the dinner table where his cousin, his cousin’s wife, and their three young daughters were seated.

A Cautionary Tale of (not) Being Yourself

The other day I was walking through the supermarket aisle. It was early morning, and some members of the supermarket staff were arranging vegetables and cereals on the shelves.

At the same time, a cleaning lady – about 50 or so years old – was mopping the floor. She noticed me approaching and lowered her face, avoiding looking at me – as if the mere act of looking at me would offend me somehow. I said “good morning” as I slowly passed her by.

The woman was clearly surprised, her eyes rushed to meet mine and return the greeting. It felt as if it was something she did out of an obligation. I do not mean that had she had a choice she would have chosen not to say “good morning”, but that she felt she didn’t have a choice.

I was a customer – someone superior. Her initial instinctive thought – to be invisible and not bother someone with her presence – had been replaced with another, equally disappointing one: to rush and say “good morning” before (heaven forbid) the customer is offended.

The Hardest Role to Play is Yourself because It Is Not Supposed to Be a Role

We recreate such patterns endlessly, every day. Most of the time we are not even aware of it. Our parents, school, society at large have all programmed us to behave in certain ways. Our own minds are more often than not caught in loops and we accept “reality” as real. This is particularly the case for social reality. But make no mistake: it is nothing but a construct.

• You are not your social class – because social classes are a construct.
• And you are not your ethnicity – because they, too, are a construct.
• You are not your religion – because they are nothing but a construct (albeit, a very dangerous one).
• And you are not even your “race” – because there are no races, biologically speaking.

Playing yourself is the hardest role to play, but stopping it might be even harder. And yet that should be our goal: to stop pretending we are who society claims us to be, and be free of constructs and roles imposed by others.