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Why Are People Stuck in an Unhappy Relationship?

January 6, 2018

Few things can make one more miserable than being stuck in a bad marriage or in an unhappy relationship. Hours, days, weeks, months, years of emptiness, lack of empathy, lack of intimacy, animosity, hatred. Why on earth would anyone want to stay in such a situation? After all, our time in this world is finite. The scent of cardamom and cinnamon while decorating the Christmas tree, the feeling of waves gently lapping on your feet as you enter the sea, the full moons you admire in the hot August night – endless, don’t they seem? Hard to believe you have 10, 20, maybe 30 of those left before you die. Why would you waste them being with someone that doesn’t love you and, most probably, despises you? Maybe the Bard has the answer:

For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The oppressor’s wrong, the proud man’s contumely,
The pangs of despised love, the law’s delay,
The insolence of office and the spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscover’d country from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all;

unhappy relationship
Perhaps it’s all a matter of habit, of fearing the change.
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Frankenstein, #MeToo, and School Shootings

January 5, 2018

2018 is the year that Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein turns 200. What could possibly be the connection between one of the core works of the Gothic canon and the #MeToo campaign? Allow me to begin with a little story.

It was a fittingly dark and dreary day, typical of Finnish autumns. My Gothic fiction students and I began our discussion on Frankenstein. As it usually happens in such cases, people enter the discussion with certain preconceptions, only to see them shattered. That’s a good thing. As an educator, you want people (yourself included) to discover something new. We had talked about most of the usual elements touched upon by literary criticism. We’d discussed about the connection between Frankenstein and identity, aspects of ethnicity and “race”, morality, nature and the sublime, and others.

Frankenstein - a 200-year-old #MeToo echo
Mary Shelley’s novel is a story replete with symbolism
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What Utopia? I’d Pick a Dystopia any Day

January 4, 2018

Once I gave my Gothic fiction students an exercise: I divided them into two teams, with the first team asked to argue why it would be nice to live in a utopia, and the second team asked to do the same for a dystopia. The latter team, upon hearing they needed to argue how great it would be to live in a dystopia, began to murmur – in the style of “oh man, how are we gonna argue for that?”

During the exercise, feelings changed – which had been my plan all along. The team that had to argue for the dystopia began to realize how horrible a utopia would actually be: no change, no possibility to make things better, no real progress. The other team, instead, had real trouble coming up with arguments.

utopia dystopia
Dystopias are ugly. But they can get better. Utopias can get only worse
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